The things I hear coming out of my mouth...

What I say:

Don't throw a ball at someone unless they know it's coming

Don't spit water in the dogs face

Don't let the dog lick your fork

Don't climb up the slide



What I should say:

You may throw a ball at someone if you say "Catch!"

You may swallow your water

You may share your leftovers with the dog as a treat

You may slide DOWN the slide



What my inner dialogue is saying:

Stop, or I'll shoot!

Grrrrrrrowl!!!

That dog is so mothaf@#% ing fat because of you

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!