God, is that you, it's me Mommy, I mean...wait I don't have a name anymore!

Pop Quiz:

How do you know you're a stay-at-home mommy with a toddler? Let me help you with a description. If any of these apply to you, there is a chance you have a whirling dervish, also known as a toddler in your house.

A. Hair: frizzy, because to actually wash, dry and flat iron it requires the same effort as climbing Mount Everest, and I'm quite sure NONE of those groups did it with a toddler.

B. News station: Sprout Channel, because if it's not on Sprout, you don't know about it.

C. Clothing: Yoga pants and a tee shirt. This ensemble gives the appearance that you may look this way because you were just at a vigorous cross-fit class. You're fooling yourself, because the snot/spit-up/booger combo on you shoulder that your pony tail doesn't cover is a clear sign to everyone else. Also, the lollipop stick you didn't realize that was stuck to your butt is usually a tell tale sign, and NOT the reason you thought everyone was looking at you. Bummer.

D. Diet: Left over's from whatever your toddler doesn't eat. Yes, this includes your water bottle that you "shared" which now has chunks of backwash in it.

E. All of the above.

Whether you can relate to one, a few or all of the above, you are a stay-at-home mommy.


Part II
Now, how do you know you might be over 40?

A. You fall asleep before your toddler at night.

B. You're not sure if your missed period holds the potential of another little miracle or menopause.

C. You find yourself telling other mothers at the playground "When I was your age".

D. You hope you will get to hold a grandchild before a social security check (or, if either ever become a reality).

E. All of the above.